Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
dude i'm inner monologue high
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.