Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize