he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
