I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
