you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
