i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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