so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
