I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
