Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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