It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
