So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
