you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
