So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I cockslap morals
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
