You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
