Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
