Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
These tits shall not be calmed
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
