He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
