lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
