I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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