hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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