so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
