yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
And then he peed in my hair
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