R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
