this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
