after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
