Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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