I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
