Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
