god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
