last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
you had me at cake vodka
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
