I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
operation have a gay friend backfired
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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