I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
