the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
