it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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