So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
