We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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