She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
