i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
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He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
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it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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