he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
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These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.