Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos