That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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