Pregnant stripper...not hot.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?