If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I am naked and annoyed.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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