i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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