Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
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How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
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He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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