i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
