I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
