wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
