Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
