I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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