I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
