Umm I'm too high to move.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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