Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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