this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
