when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
