i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
