I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
