Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i think my cat just said my name.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
