You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
