I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
