I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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