i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
