I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
