im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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