i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
