I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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