Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
so let's talk penis.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
