I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
