The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
