also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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